You will undoubtedly have arguments with people throughout your life and in most cases you’ll end up being more frustrated than before without having resolved anything, but rather made things worse. However there are ways to win arguments without arousing resentment or anger from the other person while getting your points across. So in this video I will show you how you can win any argument, even against a girl.
The first and best lesson when it comes to arguments comes from good ol Dale Carnegie in how to win friends and influence people. He says “there’s only one way to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it.”
But I know you didn’t come here to hear that so let’s get into what you should do when you’re confronted and an argument is about to break out. So I wanna start out with this story of Dave, the computer salesman who acted the same way most us would when people would talk bad about the brand of computers he was selling. He defended himself and the computers he was selling. He won a lot of arguments and often said to himself “I really thought that man a lesson.” He might have won a lot of arguments but he was for sure losing in sales. However after attending classes in dealing with people he changed his approach.
Now every time someone would downgrade his brand or say something like
“X computer is no good, I wouldn’t even take one if you gave it to me. I’m going to buy Y computer.”
He simply responded saying
“Y are good computers and I’m sure you will be happy with it. They are made by a fine company and sold by fine people.”
He didn’t add anything else but just ended it there. There can be no more arguing here and people would often be speechless after this. The people would then shift their energy from arguing into being more curious about X computer, and Dave would be able to express the good points with X computers. Needless to say the sales increased and customers had a classy experience.
You might be dead right with what you say as you poke holes in whoever you argue with and your arguments might be flawless. But when it comes to changing the other person’s mind, you’re only giving yourself a disadvantage. You’re basically trying to convince someone of your way of thinking by hurting what is of most importance to them – their pride.
Even if you’re arguments are perfectly logical, they will not be able to reflect on them rationally simply because you’ve hurt their feelings. They will see right through your arguments and act straight out of emotions and your logical arguments will have no effect.
They are going to say fuck you and fuck logics, and then they are going to justify themselves even though they might be dead wrong. There is never someone’s intention to be wrong, and in their own minds what they say makes perfect sense. This is why you never bluntly just say “you’re wrong”. It’s a direct hit at their intelligence, pride, judgement and self-respect. More harm than good will come out from this statement and the other person will only defend their own way thinking to an even greater extent.
We are all defenders of our own pride and we will even express our opinions completely opposite through the way people argue with us.
Let me explain.
If you bought a brand new phone, you will have spent a lot of money to get it. Maybe even more than you’re comfortable with. Now imagine someone asks you about the price, and upon hearing it they exclaim
“what, that’s ridiculous. I can’t believe you paid that much for a phone.”
What would you respond? They’ve dented your judgement and you will most certainly justify your purchase. The best is eventually the cheapest right? No one can expect top quality for bargain prices eh?
Now imagine the next day and another person hears the price for the phone exclaiming
“Wow I wish I could afford something of that quality, it looks brilliant.”
What’s your response this time? They have justified the purchase for you. You’ll drop your guard and to be honest you might have paid a little too much to get it, and there are other similar phones you could get for a cheaper price. You’re reaction is completely different based on the approach of the other person.
And knowing that you’re dealing with a person that will argue from an emotional standpoint rather than a logical one will be used to your advantage when entering an argument.
I like the story of the art editor who demanded perfection and often with very little time to execute on for the painters. The art director was always delighted in finding fault in every painting and people would leave his office in disgust due to his attack on their work.
However this time a painter named Ferdinand knew what to expect when showing his art to this director, he anticipated that his art would be criticized. So after the initial criticism, instead of defending himself, he simply agreed and criticized himself more.
“Sir, if what you say is true then I’m at fault here and there’s absolutely no excuse for my blunder. I have been doing paintings for you long enough to know better. I’m ashamed of myself.”
The director immediately started to defend Ferdinand, saying after all it’s not that big of a deal and before he had a chance to continue Ferdinand interrupted him.
“Any mistake may be costly and they are all irritating.”
The director tried to break in but Ferdinand wouldn’t let him. He continued and said
“I should’ve been more careful, you give me a lot of work and you really deserve the best so I’m going to do this painting all over.”
This time the director felt forced to interrupt.
“No, no! I wouldn’t want to put you through all that.”
He then resumed to praise the work and assured him that a minor change is all that would be needed. The art director ended up taking Ferdinand to lunch giving him a check and another commision. This just shows you the power of self criticism and that you will other people over by dropping your guard.
Back to the argument now.
So the first thing you should do when entering an argument is to distrust your first instincts. Our first natural reaction when we disagree with someone is to be defensive. Instead keep calm and control your temper. Then you want to listen. Don’t say anything but listen, and do so genuinely and attentively while keeping yourself from interrupting. Try to build bridges of understanding rather than walls and barriers of misunderstanding.
Once you’ve let the other person speak adress what you agree on. Let them know that you value their opinion and that you share many of their thoughts as well. Be honest and look for areas where you can admit errors and be sure to let them know that. You will never get into trouble by admitting that you actually might be wrong. This will stop the other person from arguing and instead inspire them to be as fair and just as you are, and it will disarm their defensiveness.
So by openly admitting your mistakes, people will lower their guard and you’re at common ground. They and are now much more receptive for your logical arguments. You haven’t hurt their pride or dented their judgement, but instead made them feel understood and you’ve considered their expressions thoroughly. Now before you express your own opinions about the argument, start of with this very powerful sentence.
“Look, I thought otherwise but I might be wrong here, which I frequently am. And if I’m wrong I want you to correct me. So let’s examine the facts.”
Saying this will completely take away their intentions of proving you wrong. Now you can calmly express your own opinions and the other person are now willing to listen to what you’ve got to say.
This way of entering an argument will allow you to convince the other person of your way of thinking without arousing any anger or resentment. Arguments often start simply because they feel that you don’t value them. The feeling of being important is one of the deepest urges humans have so give them that feeling, and try to honestly let them know that you understand them. It’s a win win situation and you can apply this way of arguing even against a girl.
Lastly if you argue with a guy and you still haven’t convinced him, then a quick a slap should do the trick.
So there you have it, how to always walk winning an argument. Most of these methods were taken from Dale Carnegie and his book how to win friends and influence people.